the missing link

yet another day at school. another day to ponder over my mistakes. another day to be a better person. another day to thank god for endless bounties. very few people share my religious beliefs and those who do i never spare them. i sit and talk with them over my favourite topic for hours.like i did today with my abaya friend. we shared our similar pleas about being good muslims and our fear of not doing so. at times we find things very difficult.

i remember as a child being very naiive. my mind would not wander into dimensions that it can now. it would be unable to grasp some ideas or rules. i remember my father being very strict about my clothing and interacting with the opposite gender. i was not allowed to wear jeans or short or tight clothes. seeing my freinds in the latest clothes would make me rise with fury. many nights i spent crying and arguing over something i thought was so important. even a few days back i was very rude to my both my parents so they would have my passport made. sigh! there are some things you realise once their gone. there are some regrets in life that never go. though my parents have gone for a few days abroad, i miss them terribly. i didnt get to see them everyday anyway, but its the thought that their not here that bothers me. parents forgive their children so easily. u yell, scream and cross your limits yet they welcome you with arms wide open. thats how they are. thats how allah has made them. forgiving and forgetful. hes put one percent of his love in them saving the rest for himself. subhanallah.

i miss the comfort of my mothers arms sometimes. the warmth with which she embraces me. the lovingly kiss that she places on my face. i sometimes miss my fathers gestures. his ability to express without words. his affectionate smile and harsh yet (for me) soft words. the only force that keeps me calm in their absence is allah. oh allah if it werent for you. you soothen my heart and soften my mind. you give me sanity when iam at the verge of insanity. you look after me. and you keep me alive.