if not love let it be madness

Allah mia is so great. beyond words and sentences. beyond our thoughts and emotions. our sentiments and sensations.
its amazing how allah gives me reality checks and reminders to come to back. sometimes i dont even realise that i have digressed or i have ceased to do the right thing. and magically allah mia makes things happen that remind me of what i should i do.
work, world and religion. sometimes i forget the difference and sometimes i do perpetually. i get involved in my work so much that i often fail to comprehend other equally important things. like my faith and more important god. ive recently come to realise that i take my work too seriously and there seems nothing more considerable than that. and that is exactly what allah mia doesnt want me to do. aah, the blessing of online lectures and scholars. the quran and its teachings. so today while listening to one, i came to my senses. and iam glad that allah out sense in me to do that, thank you. work is not eevryhting, and life is not eevryhting, larger than life things exist and i must come to terms with them. last weekend i cried uncontrollably when my work wasnt going well, i cried and was upset for hours but that is not the attitude of a momin or a good muslim. allah tests us with our weaknesses and sees whether were still faithful to him or not. and i felt bad because i felt as if i wasnt faithful enough. i was not angry at allah, god forbid, i can never be , but a tiny part of me which of course was shatan was puting all these wild ideas in my head and i kept slaving to them. like, people i know who dont pray are such good students, people who dont cover get such amazing grades. astaghfurallah....who am i to judge. i have no right. but u know how shatan makes you believe that you are right. then today it struck me, and i realised the most imprtant lesson of my life.
allah says that do not make anyhting your obsession especially your wordly things. do not love or hate somebody or something madly becuase when it happens otherwise, no one gets hurt except for your own self. and i thought how i had started to make work my obsession, i was so concerned about it that i failed to see other things around me. my imaan was weak. and i hate when that happens.
if you reserve your real love and emotons for allah, you will never get hurt or be dissappointed. you will accept challenges and any grievings that come your way as allahs will. and that is the destiny that i wish upon myself. that is the way i want to be. and the person i wish to become. inshallah one day......
so suddenly i find myself being calm and at peace, although iam way behind in my work, my classmates are quite ahead, but iam working hard and leaving the rest to allah. and whatever happens certainly happens for the best. and inshallah allah and only allah will help and guide me. ameen