you dont have to go it alone

my grandmother or what i call more lovingly nano is reall sick. i think her time is nearing and theres nothing any of us can do about it. except to wait and pray. the doctors have detected ovarian cancer which is a silent killer and the fifth cause of death from cancer in women. iam scared and numb. but mostly iam scared for her. i dont know how she'll take it when she finds out. my mother, uncle and i have been hiding it from her but soon we'll have to disclose the illness. and i feel as if god has given me a chance to connect with her. these past few days with her have been over whelming.i feel as if allah wants me to spend enough time with her. we wake up in the morning usually laughing or me screaming for her to get dressed quickly so she can go to the hospital. and then we have lunch and dinner together. i tell her stories about my trip, she confides fears and hopes. i feel iam little again.i feel iam the small child who hold her nanis hand. and i know that my work is being compromised to a massivly alarming extent, but a voice inside tells me that this time wont come again. and if i dont follow my heart i'll end up regretting. so here iam following my heart trying my best to make her happy. i smile even when i feel like crying. i laugh when i feel like sulking. i play her favourite songs to see a smile across her face. i take her out and have dosa just to make her feel at home. and iam actually enjoying these things. its like ive found love again. and its for real this time.
my clock is ticking and my deadline nearing. yet i let her interupt me when iam in the middle of my dissertation. i listen to her little feeble talk hoping that would calm her down. i fix her medicine box wishing it would her life easier. and all this gives me an inner solace. maybe i needed her to be here with me more than she needed me. my nano is not like anyother. shes way cool. she treats me like iam her own age. no type of conversation is ever prohibited and any talk about my fiance is encouraged.lol. she loves to hear stories about how i met him and often sneaks and reads my chat conversations on msn.
sometimes in life you have to make some very crucial choices. and when you choose one thing, the other suffers massively. the choice ive made i know will cost me but it cannot be more important than my nanos life for sure. and i really want to be there for her now like i know she was for me years back....something that my mind cannot recall...iam just lucky to be reminded

all shores

i just came back from thailand recently...and the experience was just over whelming..the beach that i had seen in movies and on television was far superior. i travelled with my class but there were times that i enjoyed on my own. i went to pattaya and from i took a boat to coral island. in this trip, i had vowed that i would try all kinds of exciting things that i would not do otherwise. so some time later, i was in the air parasailing...the first few minutes are just too heavy for the heart to take. but once youre in the air, theres no better feeling. its close to flying. the waters below resemble a large plain of blue. you can touch the buildings around yourself. the wind keeps blowing that enhances your time.. after that, i went to coral island and the beach there was just so tempting that i coudnt resist. one of my many dreams has been to swim in the ocean. and there i did more than swimming. the banana boat ride was so pleasurable. the warm waters of the island were so amusing that i could live there. the suns rays were shining right on top of my head.. the sand was just as relaxing..if i werent so scared of sharks i would have swam for a longer while...but now looking at these pictures, iam extremely nostalagic of the beach.....the freedom to roam around and have an extremely distaseful ice cream for 50 baht. lol..and they were selling fake cans of coke too...they had shower rooms for 30 baht also and when my turn came to go the water finished..just then...and for the rest of the journey, till we arrived back in bankok i shuddered in my wet clothes....but that uncomfortable journey still does not ruin the beautiful beach....the stunning shells that came along with every tide...sometimes when i close my eyes i can still feel the water and its surroundings..