you dont have to go it alone

my grandmother or what i call more lovingly nano is reall sick. i think her time is nearing and theres nothing any of us can do about it. except to wait and pray. the doctors have detected ovarian cancer which is a silent killer and the fifth cause of death from cancer in women. iam scared and numb. but mostly iam scared for her. i dont know how she'll take it when she finds out. my mother, uncle and i have been hiding it from her but soon we'll have to disclose the illness. and i feel as if god has given me a chance to connect with her. these past few days with her have been over whelming.i feel as if allah wants me to spend enough time with her. we wake up in the morning usually laughing or me screaming for her to get dressed quickly so she can go to the hospital. and then we have lunch and dinner together. i tell her stories about my trip, she confides fears and hopes. i feel iam little again.i feel iam the small child who hold her nanis hand. and i know that my work is being compromised to a massivly alarming extent, but a voice inside tells me that this time wont come again. and if i dont follow my heart i'll end up regretting. so here iam following my heart trying my best to make her happy. i smile even when i feel like crying. i laugh when i feel like sulking. i play her favourite songs to see a smile across her face. i take her out and have dosa just to make her feel at home. and iam actually enjoying these things. its like ive found love again. and its for real this time.
my clock is ticking and my deadline nearing. yet i let her interupt me when iam in the middle of my dissertation. i listen to her little feeble talk hoping that would calm her down. i fix her medicine box wishing it would her life easier. and all this gives me an inner solace. maybe i needed her to be here with me more than she needed me. my nano is not like anyother. shes way cool. she treats me like iam her own age. no type of conversation is ever prohibited and any talk about my fiance is encouraged.lol. she loves to hear stories about how i met him and often sneaks and reads my chat conversations on msn.
sometimes in life you have to make some very crucial choices. and when you choose one thing, the other suffers massively. the choice ive made i know will cost me but it cannot be more important than my nanos life for sure. and i really want to be there for her now like i know she was for me years back....something that my mind cannot recall...iam just lucky to be reminded