you set me free, you liberate me and your'e love is all that means to me. iam like a bird whose lost sometimes but you give me your wings to fly. and i fly around like the world is all that there is. sometimes in the middle of my work, i stop typing and you come before my eyes. you cloud my vision and hamper my thoughts. you cling to me and i just cant let go of you.

i see you through a moving car, my eyes sometimes spot your smile across the translucent glass. sometimes words cannot explain and its real. it feels so real to me.

i hate passing your old neighbourhood, there i dont even need to close my eyes. i can actually feel you standing at your porch where we spent so many nights. those broken steps that led to your upper storey house. the darkness that always prevailed and then your smile would bring light to me. i hate being where you were and are not anymore. i hate looking at those lanes where you grew as a child. you were there, youre not anymore.

i have not gone back to that place where a tree stands with your name and mine. sometimes i think about that tree, engraved with writings of innocence. where you chased me while our freinds watched. you caught me and i surrendered to your arms.

you set me free while i chain myself to your memories. when you told me that you loved me, i knew things would never be the same. i would never be the same. i hold on to small minute objects given by you. they have withered, their colour faded. the paper of your cards have turned yellow. your balloon burst and shred many years ago, yet it still sleeps in my cupboard. i still laugh at your old hairstyles. your poetry wounds my heart. my heart skips a beat everytime you write for me. your sketches, your hand writing and your images are all that iam left with sometimes.

your existance seems magicial to me.

its that time of the year

Everyone around me either has become a mother or is in the process. Its frightening. My cousin recently had a second baby daughter and mashallah shes adorable. My friend from usa also has an adorable baby girl. Then just random people I know on facebook, old classmates, some seniors, all have become mothers. And iam just shocked to see them in that role. Iam old enough to be a mother myself but can never think of such a responsibility at the moment. It really does frighten me the thought and concept of motherhood. Don’t get me wrong, I love children, especially babies. But to think of having my own just freaks me out sometimes.
To be a mother is both a challenging and patient task. When your little one demands to be held and cries beyond imagination especially when you’re in the middle of cooking or doing some equally important chore. There is absolutely no time for yourself. No time and you find yourself juggling between different errands. I have also noticed how one has to give up on a lot of hobbies and make tremendous sacrifices. My cousin for instance has a business degree but does not work because her children are small. She says she’ll go back to work once her kids become older but I doubt that would be the case. The older your kids get, the bigger and worse their problems become.
Also there is a loss in your diet because all you think of now is how well your kids are eating. Mothers forget how important their diet is, prob more important than their kids because their the ones who have to handle them.
No sense of fashion or dressing. Since we’ve become mothers we can dress in a sloppy and shabby manner because everyone knows were busy, we don’t have time. They hardly take out time for themselves.
I think being a mother from a woman is a huge hormonal change. But mothers need not forget that their women too at the end of the day. Some mothers will not try to lose weight after birth and that results in a shapeless figure. To spend time on oneself is integral. This is very important for a woman’s self confidence. Her independence is slaved and maternal instincts are on a rise. But most mothers just cave in. they spend so much time with the baby and in the house that they become patients of post depression. They cease to go out, refuse invitations saying this is the bonding time. Most don’t realize what their missing. Its important to give time to your child but you need time for yourself too.
I don’t know what kind of a mother iam going to become but watching other people really puts me on alert.