the addiction

a few of my favourite books, just a few, i wish i could
upload pics of all them.

since i became a member of shelfari, i got a chance to own a library comprising all the books that i have read. it gave me such pleasure. i was so happy and addicted to shelfari that i didnt want to get off that site. i could discuss books with other people and realised that many shared the same craving. there were so many books that i leanrt about. i just wish the latest books werent so expensive. liberty is the only source of buying such books but the cost sometimes makes me keep them back on the shelf. i always enter the shop with such excitement but hate leaving empty handed. anyway i discovered some alternatives. mr old books is a great place to buy cheap books from. sometimes the popular ones that are new are also available.pirated of course. but that doesnt bother me that much. books are meant for everyone, not to cater a certain class.

the books that i really want to read are

the white tiger by aravind adiga

unaccustomed earth by jhumpa lahiri

the colour purple

sense and sensibility

some good islamic books

BIRTH

Today is the day Allah breathed life into my lifeless body. From his command came soul into my cadaver like light filtering through. Today is the day to be most grateful and obliged. Alhamdolilah, it is Allah who takes and gives existence. And today was the day he chose to send me to test and guide me.
There is no concept of celebrating birthdays in Islam. It is not only a waste of time but of money and resources as well. Rather, birthdays are like a reminder, an annual reality check. Are we doing what we are supposed to do? Are we thinking of Allah mian like we ought to? Are we grateful and indebted? Are we asking for forgiveness? Are we performing our duties?
Since a few years I have stopped celebrating my birthday and believe me it is one less extravagance in my life! And why is this one day so important in our lives anyway? We were born. O.k. so was everybody else. This is nothing but a psychological play of mind. Why should we feel important on just one day? We should on the contrary feel imperative everyday. Why, because we’re alive. We’re breathing and eating and our senses are working. What more reason can there be for feeling significant? And most of all, it is Allah who has chosen to keep us alive. He wants us to live for one more day, one more year. And this imperative day is spent on things totally the opposite of what the quran tells us.
One year has gone from my precious life whose every second is being recorded. Every minute and action is being noted down. And it saddens me that I haven’t spent a productive year. I have wasted this year on the same things I did in the previous year. So today I ask allah for a better year. A year which allows me to grow and improve myself. I not only learn from my mistakes but vow never to repeat them. I ask you to help me forgive those who have hurt me. I ask for my forgiveness too. I plead to become a more considerate child to my parents and their parents. I beg you to guide me all the time and to remember you at all times. I know your watching me as I write this, please just accept my prayers………..

remedy for perpetual pain

there are many things that come between god and myself. worldy temptations to begin with. shaitaans devious plans. there are such useless thoughts in my head that refrain me from advancing towards namaaz. towards allah's kind words. sometimes i feel if it werent for allah i would have killed myself long ago.

life is full of disparity, cruelty and unjustice. people perform such heneious crimes without any guilt or remorse. families are raped and killed in front of eachother. loved ones suffer traumatic and unwarranted circumstances. merciless shootings and destruction. thoughtless provocation resulting in the worst of consequences. yet there is always hope and light at the end of the tunnel. there is anticipation in allahs existance. there is a flicker of inclination and yearning in his presence. why do we bear and tolerate such unkindness from our own creations. becuause we know that allah is there. and the day of judgement is there. and a record of all that took place will be there. and there is no one as just and as kind as allah. those who walk the earth thinking theres no tommorow will be reprimanded. those who believe in the current world only will be for a surprise. the quran talks about such people. people like the pharoah who were rich in arrogance. they were models of pride and conceit. allah mentions them in the quran for us not to follow in their steps.

'' the life of men is tempted by love and desire for women, children, the hoarding of treasures of gold and silver, branded horses, wealth of cattle and plantations, these are the comforts for the transitory life of this world; the everlasting best comfort , however is with allah. say; '' shall i tell you of better things than these, with which the righteous will be rewarded by their rabb? there will be gardens beneath which rivers flow , where they will live forever with spouses of perfect chastity and the good pleasure of allah. allah is watching his servants very closely . '' the righteous people are those who pray: '' our rabb! we sincerely believe in you : please forgive our sins save us from the agony of the hellfire:'' who are steadfast, obedient and charitable and who pray for forgiveness in the morning time. 3;( 14-17) surah A'l-e-Imran

no matter how heavy our plates are of sin, allah will forgive us. it is never too late for allah to welcome us, to excuse us. and the time is never delayed for us to atone our indulgence.

yesterday, before my final crit, i stood shaking with fear from what was to come my way. and alhamdolilah everything went so smoothly that for a little while i couldnt understand. it allah who helps and guides us. if you ask him sincerely with true conviction, he will always be there for you. and if you are ever saddened by the world, or angry at your surroundings, take refuge in his words. you will find nothing but solace there. and that is all that you need to survive.

some paintings speak to you. they draw you closer and you feel mesmerised. how i felt when i saw this.

the missing link

I miss my childhood sometimes. I miss being carefree and liberated from responsibility. I miss my dog and the comfort of my home. There are many regrets that I have today regarding my parents knowing that their not here. The most regretful is my unforgiving behavior towards them. As I child I fought with them over trivial things. Things that now seem insignificant. Even now, a few days back I was extremely rude with them so they would have my passport made. I insulted my mother, doubted her love for me and snapped at my father. Later I couldn’t control the guilt that was boiling inside me. It tore me apart and there was a time when I felt so ashamed, I didn’t want to face them. Yet they forgave me. If I asked them today, they wouldn’t even remember. That’s how allah has made parents. Forgiving and forgetful. Giving them one percent of his love and leaving the rest to himself. Subhanallah
I know they will be back in a few weeks inshallah, yet I miss them terribly. I miss knowing that their here. i think of the countless times I have let them down. Disobeyed them. Outright said no to them. Although allah says that you shouldn’t even say aah to your parents yet I have. I have hurt them and made them cry. I have made them wished that they never had me. Although I know these were words uttered in absolute rage still I was the reason for this provocation. Remembering these incidents brings tears to my eyes. It makes tight knots in my stomach. Its painful to remember yet I do. I wonder if allah will ever forgive me for this. I think of many ways to please him yet I do the thing that displeases him the most.
So like a criminal whose just been guilty of his offence, I submit to mine. I pray for parents like I don’t pray for myself. I pray for their health and prosperity and their dreams to come true. I pray that they go to heaven and my and brother and I become sadqa-e-jarain for them. I pray like theres no tomorrow. I pray for allah to accept my prayers.
I pray for them to have a safe journey and a blissful one.
I thank allah for giving me parents. The love of both. The affection and devotion of both. The encouragement and support of both. Thank you allah for giving me all the things that I needed to become the person iam today. ameen

the missing link

yet another day at school. another day to ponder over my mistakes. another day to be a better person. another day to thank god for endless bounties. very few people share my religious beliefs and those who do i never spare them. i sit and talk with them over my favourite topic for hours.like i did today with my abaya friend. we shared our similar pleas about being good muslims and our fear of not doing so. at times we find things very difficult.

i remember as a child being very naiive. my mind would not wander into dimensions that it can now. it would be unable to grasp some ideas or rules. i remember my father being very strict about my clothing and interacting with the opposite gender. i was not allowed to wear jeans or short or tight clothes. seeing my freinds in the latest clothes would make me rise with fury. many nights i spent crying and arguing over something i thought was so important. even a few days back i was very rude to my both my parents so they would have my passport made. sigh! there are some things you realise once their gone. there are some regrets in life that never go. though my parents have gone for a few days abroad, i miss them terribly. i didnt get to see them everyday anyway, but its the thought that their not here that bothers me. parents forgive their children so easily. u yell, scream and cross your limits yet they welcome you with arms wide open. thats how they are. thats how allah has made them. forgiving and forgetful. hes put one percent of his love in them saving the rest for himself. subhanallah.

i miss the comfort of my mothers arms sometimes. the warmth with which she embraces me. the lovingly kiss that she places on my face. i sometimes miss my fathers gestures. his ability to express without words. his affectionate smile and harsh yet (for me) soft words. the only force that keeps me calm in their absence is allah. oh allah if it werent for you. you soothen my heart and soften my mind. you give me sanity when iam at the verge of insanity. you look after me. and you keep me alive.

the globe trekker

iam the globe trekker. the world explorer.Sometimes in my dreams I travel to places I have never seen before. Iam the traveler who discovers and wanders. Who has a packpack ready. I climb mountains to see the height. I walk on the earth to feel the sand. I lie in the waters to rejuvenate myself. I see allahs creations. Man and animals. The little birds that flutter their wings. The butterflies that create a symphony of colours in the sky. I see everything. I observe allahs magnificence. I marvel at his creativity. His ability to create multiplicity.
One of my many dreams after hajj and umrah is to travel the world. See the countries. Understand different cultures. There are so many Muslims in the world and I want to meet them. I want to blend in the blues of the cities of morocco. I want to climb the mountains of Egypt to feel the ego that the pharaoh once felt. I want to open my eyes in front of the great mosque of Russia. I want to feel the love of the taj mahal. I want to see the depth of the great canyon. I want to hear the gush of the Niagara falls. I want to feel the calm of a bhuddist temple.
when someone tells me where they've been, my heart is tempted to go there. My cousin thousands of miles away from here shares the same passion. He tells me where to go and what to see. He has agreed to become my unofficial tour guide. He plans to travel to Jordan, London, Portugal and Spain this year. Inshallah.

the globe trekker