THIS IS FOR YOU

courtesy www.veer.com

this is for you. whenever you read this. whenever you take out time, you will know that this is for you. allah made you like he made me. allah put love in my heart for you like he put in your's for me. i know you might feel strange and uncomfortable reading this knowing that others can too. but its ok. let them read. as long as you read because only you will know what i have written. and i know that you understand why i put the beautiful horse. u, i and horses go way back. hahaahaah...
iam not superstitious, neither do i now believe in birthdays and anniverseries. but today i just could not help myself. today is any other day. and we opened our hearts to each other today four wonderful years back. i dont want to celebrate today. i just want to thank god and let you know how i feel today. lately i have been connecting everything to allah, even you. the loneliness that used to flicker is not anymore. it doesnt disturb me anymore. it makes room for me to unite with allah. and often when i read the quran, a verse makes me think of you. we can spend a lifetime and still that wouldnt be enough to thank him. the quran talks about man and woman. it stresses on the importance of their relationship. it gives them the comfort of eachother. it gives them a chance to love eachother. it bonds them in a legal wedlock. the quran then talks about the right they have over eachother. it tells ways for them to strenghen their union. and this makes allah very happy. isnt it beautiful. what we do for eachother makes allah happy only because we do it the right way.
when my eyes rest on a surah that talks about believing men and the believing women, i think of you. i think of how allah makes two people love each other. how allah puts such thoughts and emotions in their hearts. and then he sees whether they are thankful or not. he tests them whether they still recognise his existance. i just want you to see what i can now. i want you to understand what i can now. and i know that you do. you say and think you dont but you do. you are standing where iam. you believe in those things that i do. and it is allah who has given us this. it him who has put us together for a purpose like you said. your emaan lies within you and only you can see it. and i know that its there. i can feel it.
this is for you. and to show you what we can be if we want to be...........

my veil

courtesy www.veer.com

iam veiled.my rab orders me to cover. his protective cloth covers my hair. it wraps every strand that would otherwise be chaotic. it gives my mind solace. it guards and shields from various forces. it reminds me of my lord and the duties that i must perform. if only every woman could enjoy the pleasure of being covered. the dignity and identity that it provides. the way it softens your heart and opens chambers for more. it keeps my thoughts in place. it grants me modesty. it lends me propriety. without it iam nothing. without my hijab iam like any other. it differentiates me. it lets others know who iam_it completes me.alhamdolilah.
'' o god! unto thee belongeth all praise. even as thou hast clothed me in this garment , i ask of thee the good thereof, and the good of that wherefor it hath been made, and i seek refuge in thee from the evil thereof, and the evil of that whereof it hath been made'' Abu Dawud
god! grant me the favour to use the dress which you have bestowed on me for the same purposes which you deem righteous. grant me the favour to cover my modesty with this dress and to protect my soul and body againest immodesty and shamelessness. grant me the favour to make it a means of adornment and grace for my body. god! grant me the favour to eschew displaying ostentation, pride or arrogance in dress and let me not transgress the bounds set by you in the use of dress by your slaves, both men and women.
in my younger years as a child i used to despise the hijab. i felt it as a trap. something that made you look ugly. my relatives used to take it and i used to detest it. my hair was my freedom. it was my beauty and my purpose of living. little do we know what awaits us. little did i know what allah had planned for me. iam now the same person who cannot live without it. my mind panics if a male servant enters and my hair is uncovered. little did i know that the real beauty lies in covering not revealing. and that is the real beauty that lies in the eyes of allah. and that is all that matters.
may allah give the guidance to each of us. may make us realise our sins. may allah give us what we need. may allah put the right sense in our minds. make us ponder and believe and obey. ameen

highs

life is either a daring adventure or nothing_hellen keller
it is full of risks and exciting things ready to be explored.alhamdolilah. thank you allah for making me human. thank you allah for making it so easy for me to be a muslim, what if i was born somewhere else. thank you allah for giving me a family, there are many without any. thank you allah for giving me the joy of a sibling, there are many who are deprived of this. thank you allah for giving me the love and support of a family in every phase of my life, there are many who lack this.thank you allah for providing me a chance to see them often, there are many who havent seen their's for years.
last week my english teacher told me to take risks. he told us to do something we havent done before. do something out of the blue. do something for yourself. so i went home last friday and took a few days off from uni for myself and family. i slept and ate and laughed and had the best time ever.

are you there god? its me

this image reminds me prophet Mohammad(pbuh). it reminds me of the time when islam entered the world. it entered Arabia. what a beautiful time that must have been. to have been with the prophet, to have known him. to do anyhting to please him. subhanallah. sometimes when i have dreamless nights, i dream of arabia. a land i have never been to. a dry, arid land but having so much significance. i think of the prophet and what a complete man he was. he was so impressive that non muslims today are forced to admit his brilliance.
the sunset is a beautiful time to witness. allah has organised the world so systematically that your forced to follow his routine. my window opens into the garden and from there i can see the sea as well. i can see a tree with birds and i can the vast sky that allah has created. everything obeys allah. the trees sway by allahs command. at sunset, the birds start chirping, telling us to head back. the colours of the sky are like a canvas filled with paints. the way the yellow dissolves into deep orange and then red takes place everyday. everyday allah shows us that you belong to him like everything else. hence you must return to him. the animals are in total submission to him. they eat when he wills, they run and kill only when he wills. the way a caterpiller transforms into a beautiful butterfly is an example of his magnificance. when a lioness gives birth to her children and protects them from the lion is an example. if a mere lioness can be so loving, how much must he be loving us? the way a woman guards her stomach for nine months not knowing what kind of a child will enter this world is an example. the happiness at the sight of a newborn who never remembers this is an example. life. the life that exists below the ground, in the water is fascinating. allah has made so many kinds that the human race is still discovering them today. the plant life. the birds, the insects.everything belongs to him and him only. theres a very nice nasheed/song by adnan sami called aye khuda aye khuda, jis ne ki justuju, milgaya us ko tu.......everytime i listen to it, it always reminds of allhas beautiful creations. it reminds me that allah is so close to me that if i reach out i might feel him.i might touch him. and all i have to do is call out to him and he'll be there. i know he will listen and he will solve everything for me, like he always does.

why am i not there?

mondays incident gave a reality check. it reminded me that everyhting in this world is faani_temporary.we were sent to this world for a purpose and when that purpose is over, we will be sent back to our lord. whoever has understood this and keeps this in mind everyday, he will never sin. why do we sin waisay? because we know that allah is watching but screw it, lets just do it anyway. or sometimes the urge is so strong that you just cannot overcome it. that happens a lot with me.may allah guide me and forgive me.
anyway, a very tragic incident happened on monday. a classmates brother passed away in a very gruesome accident. suprisingly, the mother was very calm and at peace.a person with very high iman can be like that. a person who allah loves a lot and gives sabr to. sabr can only be attained if asked for it. this incident reminded me of hazrat ibrahim. how much must he have loved allah to to be willing to sacrifice his son for him. a son who was given to him after so many years.that is the level of love that a momin should posses for his rab. we love our worldy things so much, we love our parents, siblings and spouse so much that we cannot imajine a life without them. and they go right in front our eyes in a jiffy, while were still trying to figure out why that happened. everything in this world is faani. our homes, our wealth and us. the sooner we accept this the better.
death always makes me think about myself. if i were to leave the world like that, would i be prepared to? would my bag of good deeds be full? when the angel at the grave comes to ask me for my kalima, would i remember it? when they do the counting for my salaat, will there be some missing? all these questions scare me so much that sometimes i cease to think about them. just saying my prayers on time and reading the quran is not enough. huquq allah is just as important as huquq ul ibad. deen and dunya is so difficult in todays time. you want to be religious and worldly. you want to invite people towrds islam without offending them. you want to tell people when their really wrong without hurting them. you want to be a perfect model of islam without boasting it. i pray to allah everyday for such things. but i never realise that i have to work hard for these things. i have to love everyone the way i love my family. i have to care for everyone the way i would for myself. s strangers illness should be my own. a persons problem should be my own. i should not judge or differentiate. these are the qualities of a momin. and this is exactly what i lack. when i dont work on my weaknesses, how can i expect allah to make me a perfect model. you have to let go of something to achieve the other!

laugh along

A Masjid goer wrote a letter to the editor of a newspaper and complained thatit made no sense to go to Masjid every Friday. 'I've gone for 30 years now,'he wrote, 'and in that time I have heard something like 3,000 sermons. Butfor the life of me, I can't remember a single one of them. So, I think I'm wasting my time and the Imams are wasting theirs by giving sermons at all.'
This started a real controversy in the 'Letters to the Editor' column, muchto the delight of the editor. It went on for weeks until someone wrote thisclincher: 'I've been married for 37 years now. In that time my wife hascooked some 32,000 meals. But, for the life of me, I cannot recall theentire menu for a single one of those meals, But I do know this... They allnourished me and gave me the strength I needed to do my work. If my wife hadnot given me these meals, I would be physically dead today. Likewise, if Ihad not gone to mosque for nourishment, I would be spiritually dead today!'When you are DOWN to nothing.... Allah is UP to something! Faith sees theinvisible, believes the incredible and receives the impossible! Thank Allahfor our physical AND our spiritual nourishment!
hahhaahhaah.....that was funny and educational. and i should show this to my brother who shares the same opinion as that stupid man. hahahahahah... life is funny

the avoidable sin

iam alive today as well alhamdolilah! its because of him that iam alive and breathing. youtube is amazing. there are so many lectures that i hear on it without cost. how great is that. iam trying to train myself not to wtch movies or shows. except that yesterday i saw half of bhram which had milind soman in it. some habbits never die. but otherwise i get tempted a lot. being at dadis house and close to school, theres always a reason not to watch television. work is your top most priority. but when i go to my parents house, someone is always watching a movie or television that you just cannot ignore the idiot box. yesterday my mother was watching this movie wih shahsi kapoor and rakhi and it was so absurd that my brother and i couldnt help make fun of it.
coming to a serious note, i ave realised that if i want i can avoid television. all i really have to do is make myself busy in some other chore. i was listening to yusuf estes's lecture yesterday about music and he was making so much sense. whenever i listen to music, its always playing in my head. while iam saying my prayers or reading the quran. its so distracting. the recitation of the quran can become music. its melodic verses can be quite a subsitute. thanks to my khala, may allah bless her, she gave me a beautiful present. its a muslim walkman and i listen to it everyday before going to sleep. the quran really is miraculous. it soothes my nerves. it gives me direction. it reminds me of the mistakes i made during the day. it still gives me hope. it teaches me patience. it reassures me that allah is there and everything will be alright.

thank you allah

alhamdolilah! iam alive and breathing. iam spared from illnesses, poverty,suffering, tension, anxiety and depression. alhamdolilah! you can never thank god enough can you? everyday he does something new to bring tears to your eyes. everyday is a new day to praise his existance. his countless bounties and unlimited treasures.
today was friday and every thursday i think how i will make this friday special but thanks to this oversleeping problem that i have and school's tiredness, my plans never take place. hahahhhaah...khair i know myself, i will be making plans for next friday knowing they might not occur again.
although i have vowed not to backbite or criticize i will mention someone today that i really want to. i hope my writing style will not be condescending or critical. i know someone in school and every time i see that person i get very scared of allah. how can that person be so unaware of allhas words or she might choose to be. may allah give us the guidance and strengh to realise our mistakes and not be a source of irritation to others. i have told this person politely that you should change your behaviour because sometimes allah does not like such conduct. allah is great and he will guide us all. every time iam in that persons presence i learn. i learn not to utter words when they are not needed. i learn that i must be positive and thankful to god no matter what. theres a beautiful qoute from peer-e-kamil that says'' agar allah day day to shukr aur nahi day to sabr''. i learn from her not to be negative about allah, hes our rab he can never plan something ill for us. i learn from her that i must repect people, their opinions and beliefs. even when they clash with mine, i must not disrespect them. i should not be cranky and touchy. and most of all whatever i cannot tolerate fo myself , i must not tolerate that for others. i pray to allah to give her hidaya. i will not be true to my words if i dont want for her what i want for myself. eternal bliss from allah. ameen.
i lack the strengh or charisma that many people posses to inspire others towards them. i am not that strong. my actions and deeds are not that strong. i pray to allah that they become how i want them to be. but ofcourse this takes time.

CHOCOLAT

guess what? iam turning into the biggest chocolate freak ever. my craving is beyong repair. i long for chocolate like a hungry child longs for food. he cries, he yelps, he kicks and shouts until what he wants is given to him. embarassingly yes, i have become that hungry child. today the urge was so strong, it compelled me to buy a jar of nutella's chocolate spread. and the feeling that overpowered me after eating one and half sandwhich cannot be described. it felt like heaven. like floating in air. hahahahah.....
everyday i try to find something new to thank god for. today was probably chocolate. yeah right. it was perhaps water and many other things. it always hurts when i see small children on the road without basic necessities like shoes and clothes. education and shelter would come much later. they are a product of starvation and malnutrition. their mostly beggers and i know that beggary is not encouraged in islam but sometimes i just cant help myself. they really look as if they havent eaten for days. one more roti might give them one more day to live.
today i want to share someones qoute that struck me as very relevant for our nation. we had a quest lecturer today ho works for samaa channel. anyway, he was trying to encourage the youth to be more passionate and patriotic. he said omething beautiful. he said we are always blaming people. whose responsible for cleaning filth? the janitors! whose going to enforce the law and order? the goverment! whose responsible for the mess on the streets? the police! so are you responsible for anything? you expect your kids to be looked after, your house to be cleaned by someone, your dishes to be washed, your clothes to be ironed? so whats your job? why are you here? what do you have to do? dont you have any responsiblity as a citizen if not a muslim? or vice versa. its sad. open the quran for guidance. its there. its all there. ok the guest speaker stoppedafter reponsibility and iam adding the quran part. but he made so much sense. iam finally reading my book called etiquettes in islam and iam surprised to learn that islam has solutions to all kinds of problems. iam on the chapter about friends and making friends and its so enlightning. islam is elevating the status of your friends too. allah says make good friends, and those that would not take you away from your religion. those that would attract you to it. be humble and patient around them. make them comfortable and the most interesting part was dont be informal rather enjoy life with them. i have all kinds of freinds. some fit this category sadly others dont. i have a recently turned naqabi friend whose thinks on the same lines as i do. when we talk its like talking to myself. and what i love about her is that she listens and guides me. she tells me when iam wrong and why. i have another friend who i also really admire. shes one of the most selfless people i have ever known. she will always think high of you, she will do anyhting to help you, sadly our religious lines dont meet. shes not the only one, i have many more more who i cannot share religious beliefs with but i still call them my friends. i pray to god to guide them. duas have such strentgh, if asked with true conviction.

findings

surely, the muslim men and the muslim women, the believing men and the believing women, the devout men and the devout women, the truthful men and the truthful women, the patient men and the patient women, the humble men and the humble women, the charitable men and charitable women, the fasting men and the fasting women, the men who guard their chastity and the women who gaurd their chastity, the men who remember allah much and the women who remember allah much- for all of them, allah has prepared forgiveness and a great reward. it is not fitting for a believing man or a believing woman to have an option in their open affairs when a matter has been decided by allah and his rasool and whoever disobeys allah and his rasool has indeed strayed into a clearly wrong path_ surah ahzab 33:35-36
this verse completely floored me. i went back to it to understand the meaning again. allah gives us countless chances, options almost everyday to rectify our mistakes. he invites by calling us words like truthful, patient,devout to attract us. what happens when you hear someone praising you by calling you a truthful person or a humble person. it feels good doesnt it? well thats allah calling us that, the one who is highest in these attributes is calling us these names. can we now reject his verses, can we now ignore his power his greatness and man if we do we are in for it! hahahhah.
i recently got engaged and am just in love with my fiance. and after reading this verse about believing men and women makes me think a lot about our future. i have a vision for us which i hope inshallah allah fulfils one day. i pray for piety. i pray for the highest level of piety for both of us. i ask god for forgivenes for both of us. i ask him for us to be contended with whatever we will get. i ask for peace and happiness. i also ask for pure love and companionship not only for us but for all couples that are about to be wed or already are. i pray for a salah offspring. one that would make us proud. one that would become sadqa-e-jarian. one that would elevate our status in heaven. one that would love us because of allah. i pray for each day to be a successful day. a day without sin and regret. i pray for each day to be a day of jihad. a jihad of nafs and body. a day full of sacrifice for others. a day where we think less of eachother and more of others. i pray for a long or short but a healthy life. a life without illnesses and grief and if they are to come then give us strengh to deal with them.

uff i cant wait to go swimming. cant wait at all. the still water that moves your body is so relaxing. its like floating in air. theres no thought of school or work.the phone doesnt ring in the pool. the mobile doesnt buzz, people dont call for your attention. its just you and solitude for a little while of course. then you go back to the noise . the world is so noisy waisay i was thinking. if nothing else theres the hmmmm of the mosquitoes at night. the fan sways or if your window opens outside the streets the cars can be heard. you really cant escape noise can you. its inevitable.
today i worked in the library while listening to the quran. i attached the headset to my ears and listened to the meaning of the holy words. their therapuetic. they console you and remind you that you must return to your lord one day. no matter what. this line always brings me back to earth. its like a reality check. i spent so much time fretting over my work, my clothes. i fail o consider the impracticality of it. its useless. grades, teachers, art is quite secondary. i cry if i dont achieve good grades but never shed a tear if i miss my namaz. i never cry if i dont read my duas or misbehave. my priorities are so wrong. and to eb honest i have never tried to correct them. movies and shows are half the time on my mind. if not that then other useless things. its so difficult to train yourself to avoid these things. and the problem that i have is that iam never consistant. i am so moody and careless about half my things. i will do one thing one day and then will not do it for weeks.

first attempt

i have never been much of a writer. have always loved reading but never writing. so i thought maybe, maybe this might just be the time for some constrained words to be released. yeah right. but lets see how well this goes.
its been a few months since i havent been able to get up for fajr. ramazan was wonderful, it completely changed my habbits, got me into the religious cycle but now tht its gone i feel everything is back to the way it was. reading less quran, praying just for the sake of it, like an exercise that you must do , not knowing why your doing it in the first place. strange. life is so strange. i feel so close to god one day and the next day i have a different feeling. its scary and strange. i feel gods watching me, he's trying to guide me but i refuse to take his guidance. i simply refuse, i disobey him publicly and privately yet i dont always feel guilty.