what do you do

What do you do if your cancer is back? After a year of rigorous chemotherapy and a life threatening surgery, you find that your life is still not yours. It never was. And it can never be. Your life cannot be granted to you like a gift or a present. What do you do? Do you cry? Do you plead to god for mercy? Do you finally turn to him? Or you wait. You simply wait. Wait for the absolution that you hope to receive.
What do you do if one day you find out that you have a rare disease that compels you to never get married? Your body cannot carry a child. Your kidneys are too frail to give life. You cannot love or be loved as others would be. You cannot marry. What do you do? Do you still thank god like you used to. Are you still grateful for being alive and normal? Do you think of the many bounties that you still possess?
What do you do if you cannot graduate this year? You have been working like a dog for the past four years and they tell you that you’re simply not good enough. Your work is simply not good enough. You will have to come back next year to receive your degree. All your friends are graduating without you. The dreams and hopes that you have seen have now been shattered. Your life is shattered. A mess. A dirty, scattered mess. What do you do? Do you still work hard for next year? Do you acknowledge god and his existence?
Are you still sleeping? Are you still in ignorance?
Can you hear me god? Can you see me god? It’s me, one of your unfaithful followers. One of your misguided creations. Can you guide me and make me more pious and god fearing than I have ever been? Can you make me see things that I have not seen before? Can you please bestow your light upon me that shines through the rest of my life? I don’t think I want to die as an unbeliever. I don’t think I want to say I wish things were different on the Day of Judgment. Lord, you must help me and guide me. Because I believe I can ….
I believe I can….
I can…….